How often do you complement or say something meaningful and nice to your partner?  Let’s be honest here… A lot of you rarely would or if you do… perhaps it’s routine things like telling your partner you love them when they are going out – or when you go to bed at night in a routine type manner…. but when you say something too often in a throwaway type manner – it loses its value.

So what I really want to know is… how often do you stop and say “You look really good tonight.” Or “I really love you” but with meaning – like it’s coming from a place within your heart and not just a by the way comment that you feel you have to say as part of that daily routine you have?!?

In my clinic I get a lot of people coming into me with this common relationship issue… and if they have been together for a long period of time, they usually have the same style of conversation… and it goes something like this:

“Why don’t you tell me you love me anymore?! Or “Why don’t you tell me I look good or attractive anymore?” And the partner will usually respond with “I shouldn’t have to tell you – you should know by now that I do!”

So what do I tell my clients in the clinic to do about it and help them to improve their relationship?! Well I tell them to start saying nice things to each other… but with meaning.  Deep heartfelt meaning!  And it works… believe me… it really works!!  You see we all need to be approved of… we all need to be reassured and recognised for who were are and our place in this crazy world we live in. It’s a part of human nature and you know what… it’s actually one of the nicer parts of our nature. Encouragement and complements can mean the world to people when they are given truly and honestly and can really help people to feel good about who they are and can create feelings of belonging, comfort and motivation.

When I was in school they always had a prize giving ceremony at the end of each year… I used to wonder why they did this. Why they would give a prize to whoever got the best grades… when all of us in the class already knew who got the top marks.  It was only later in life that I realised that it was for recognition, and a complement for doing so well. So we learn from a very early age that when we are doing things well and are good in the things that we do – we get told through praise and complements.

So in my opinion it should carry through into adulthood…. Especially with your partner! Because it will mean so much more coming from the person they love and crave the approval from…then getting it from anyone else on this planet!

If you love your partner… tell them you love them! Often and at random times when they would least expect you to say it… and say it with meaning! Make your partner feel good about themselves by telling them they look good (only when they do – there would be no point in saying this when they get out of bed first thing in the morning and their hair looks like they have been dragged though a bush backward… cos that’s how my hair looks in the mornings – so if someone told me I looked good – I would defo know they were lying!!) 

If your beloved has done something that you admire or really respect them for - let them know. Even if it’s just the small little things like, cooking a good meal, making you laugh or creating a feeling of contentment and security. Let them know that you notice these things too…. even complementing the little things in life can change people’s internal feelings from low-self esteem and negativity… to high self worth and positivity! It will make them feel appreciated and valued and better about themselves… and that’s the most important thing and what we all want for our loved ones!

So now – go on – make a difference to how someone feels today and say something nice and I can guarantee it will make them feel good… and you know what… it will make you feel good too!

Say it with meaning…

Love,

Katie-Jane xx